You would think that dating when you’re older would be easier. You are more mature, you have more experience, you’ve discovered love and heartbreak, and generally, you are more in tuned to who and what you are looking for. With that past experience however, can often come some baggage that may weigh you down.
How can you tell if the baggage is too much and needs to be downsized before carrying on? Here are three things to be mindful of when getting back into the dating scene:
You can’t stop talking about your ex
The relationship that you thought would work out imploded and you still can’t believe it happened. We understand, you got hurt, but endlessly bringing that up with the new person in your life means that you are still not over it. You need to acknowledge the past, process it, learn from it and move forward. Don’t feel the need to rush through the healing process, after all, it’s called a process for a reason. Until you have done that, you will not be able to be in a healthy relationship with someone new.
You still stalk your ex online
What are they up to? Have they met someone new? Are they hanging out with mutual friends? Obsessively keeping tabs on an ex is another clear sign that you are still not over them and are likely to carry this hang up into your new relationship. Personally, I am a firm believer of severing all ties once a relationship has ended. That is not to say that at some point down the road you can’t be friends, but you need to have some time and distance from them in order to heal. Out of sight, out of mind.
Baby daddy drama
As you get older you are more likely to meet and date someone who has been separated, divorced and has kids. One thing to avoid is dating when you are just separated and still in the process of going through the divorce. It is essential to establish guidelines and boundaries for your own sanity, your kids and your future beau. While you may be excited to get back in the game (good for you!), you need to ensure that you and your children’s well-being are priority. Have an understanding in place with your ex on how to handle new partners being introduced to the kids and don’t overlook details such as how soon they can meet them. In the long run, it will be so much easier if you are both on the same page.