I like older men. Sometimes, a lot older. There, I said it.
I had my first serious relationship when I was 17-years-old. He was 27.
My poor father. With worried eyes and a tone that was so serious, he told me; “I can understand why my daughter would be attracted to an older man, but not the other way around.”
That upset me, but it didn’t stop me from living this experience for over a year.
I barely remember living the single life between that relationship and the next, but one things for sure, I had no intention of turning back to my old habits. But then, I met my ex, the summer I turned 20. He was 32.
In my head, it would only be a summer romance. One of those romances that make you feel alive, beautiful, wanted and important. I kept telling my friends and family that they would never meet him.
“Frankly, 12 years apart is exaggerated.”
And then, we fell in love without even noticing it. Without even asking for it. We loved each other a lot, for a long time, and sometimes even through hard times, for three years.
That relationship finished a few months ago and I have often asked myself if our age difference was the cause. The answer is definitely no. It was the end of a relationship like any other. Two roads that had to go separate ways because the final destination for both paths changed.
What’s in store for my next relationship? No idea. What I do know is that I set my age bracket on Tinder from 23 to 30 and that the 25 year-olds that I met at the bar the other week were far from interesting.
Now, there is a conflict because I want to live a romance that will make me feel alive, beautiful, wanted and important. And I want to learn to be interesting and admired, and currently, that only seems to be the case with older men.
Do I have a problem?
Maybe, probably...But i’m not naive and I’m not unaware.
I know it’s not ideal. I also know that deep down, I don’t want to relive a relationship where the age difference is so big, but if the opportunity ever came up, I wouldn’t be afraid because it can be beautiful and it can last a long time.
I know I would also like to be in a relationship with someone who is my age. We could dream about our first house together and we could share our first real professional experiences with each other, but that hasn’t happened to me.
I fantasize about men at the office who could be my father and I wonder where all of this really started. And then I remember how at 13-years-old, I would count on my fingers the number of years that separated my karate teacher and I, and I hoped the age difference would seem smaller in a few years.
And you know what? The age gap did seem a lot smaller many years later, and it was beautiful.
“Love has no age as it is always renewing itself. The poetes said it”. - Blaise Pascal